


Never let me go

by 31lostie13



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Alie, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Tech no one can understand except Raven, different point of views
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:38:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/31lostie13/pseuds/31lostie13
Summary: Post 4x05Raven's fingers were flying over the keyboard. Abby didn't understand what was written on the screen but she knew Raven's behavior wasn't a good sign.“No, no, no! This can't be!”The screen was now filled with red letters, letters which Abby understood.SYSTEM FAILURE SYSTEM FAILURE SYSTEM FAILURE





	Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

> Never let me go - Florence and the Machine
> 
> So.. yes, it's been a while since 4x05 aired but I just wasn't motivated/inspired to finish this.  
> Now I have and I hope it's not too messy with all those different POVs.  
> And hopefully someone gets my LOST reference in the beginning!

She found it. She found the solution for their problem. She had searched for so long and now it was right before her eyes. It was just one click away. Her finger went to the enter-button and-  
“No!”  
The data rushed down the screens, the letters and numbers went head over heels. Abby came to her desk.  
“What happened?”  
Raven's fingers were flying over the keyboard. Abby didn't understand what was written on the screen but she knew Raven's behavior wasn't a good sign.  
“No, no, no! This can't be!”  
The screen was now filled with red letters, letters which Abby understood.

SYSTEM FAILURE SYSTEM FAILURE SYSTEM FAILURE

“Raven, what is happening?”  
Raven's shaky hands were still flying over the buttons. After a few more seconds the words disappeared and the screen went black.  
“No.”  
Her desperate whisper was followed by a loud thud. 

Abby looked at Raven who knew what was going on. Tears filled her eyes as she started running towards the ladder. Abby was behind her as they reached the top. Jackson was lying on the floor, eyes closed. Abby passed Raven and knelt down next to him. With his head in her hands, she turned around to look at the woman in front of her. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to speak.  
“What have I done?”

~

Everyone was still inside of Arkadia, or more inside of what was left of Arkadia after the burn-down. The black rain had started an hour ago. This time they had lost six people to the burning liquid, less than the last time. Marcus was still standing next to Octavia, she had been one of the last people who had reached the entrance to safety as it had begun to rain. Nothing life-threatening but enough to keep an eye on.  
“Kane, you don't have to watch me.”  
It took him by surprise that she talked to him after thirty minutes of silence.  
“I'm not-”  
“Just do something useful, alright?”

She was pissed off. Not that this was something unusual but now was really not the time to talk to her. She was getting weak. It had all begun with her fight with Echo. She had almost been killed, then she had been in the ark as it had burned into trash. And because of the injuries she had gotten by that, she hadn't been fast enough to reach the door in time. Bellamy had seen her outside and had gotten her. Weakness. Now she knew how Indra had felt after the massacre of Trikru. A warrior was not a warrior when he had become weak. And she was weak.  
She saw his look changing, she had made the situation uncomfortable for him. She didn't want to have someone who was watching her, but she didn't mean to hurt him. As he looked at her, he had a sad smile on his face.  
“Alright.”

He didn't blame her. She had gone through a lot and he was not the person she would want to talk to. He turned around and walked towards Clarke, who knelt next to a girl from farmstation. He knew she had been one of the people they had saved with the hydro-generator. The girls' hand was held by Bellamy as Clarke put the last bandage around her other hand.  
“That's it. You're really brave, you know that?”  
The girl smiled slightly. Clarke stood up.  
“How is everyone?”  
She looked up into Kane's eyes.  
“Surprisingly good. A lot of burns but nothing serious. We're running out of bandages though.”  
He nodded.  
“I will take care of that.”  
“Thank you.”  
She squeezed his arm and left.

“Did she scare you away?”  
Bellamy was on his way up. He gave the girl a last reassuring smile and walked with him towards the table with their last supplies.  
“I can't blame her for that.”  
“She's been through a lot.”  
“Yeah, I know. Good work today.”  
Bellamy smiled slightly. They took the last two bed sheets and started to tear them apart.  
“How is the situation in Becca's lab?”  
Kane looked up, he had talked to Abby just a few hours ago.  
“They're working on it. Raven may have found a way to.. I actually don't know what she has found but it sounded like a plan.”  
Bellamy let out a little laugh. Marcus had to grin too, it was no secret that he didn't understand tech like others did. Especially not when Raven tried to explain something. Nobody could understand that. As he reached for the next part of his bed sheet, everything went black.

It was so unreal that he didn't react at first. He saw everyone go down at the same time. He stood there, unable to move, the sheet still in his hands. He was staring at Kane, who had just closed his eyes and was now about to fall to the ground. Bellamy snapped out of his state but it was already too late to catch him. His head hit the edge of the table and he landed on his side as his body hit the ground. Bellamy threw the sheet away and went next to his side.  
“Kane! Kane, can you hear me?”  
He grabbed his face with both of his hands, blood made its way down his right side. He remembered that he hadn't only seen Kane fall. He turned around. What he saw was more than horrifying.

Clarke stood in the middle of the room as almost everyone around her fell to the ground. She couldn't move, her eyes were scanning the room. Twelve. Twelve people were still standing. She knelt down next to Jaha who lied in front of her. Her fingers reached his throat and after a moment she got a pulse. She looked up and into Bellamy's eyes. He was just as confused as she was. She didn't even know what to say as she stood back up. It was-  
“What the hell?”  
Octavia made her way towards her.  
“The chip.”  
Monty stood next to Harper who had taken his hand in hers. Everyone turned their faces towards him.  
“What?”  
“We're the only ones who didn't take the chip. Except for Clarke.”  
He looked at her. He was right, they didn't. But why was she still standing? She smiled slightly. Of course. Lexa.  
“The flame. I didn't just took the chip.. the flame protected me.”  
“But what happened?”

He didn't know what had happened but this was even crazier than the chip itself. He looked back at Kane who was still lying unconscious in his hands. He carefully laid down his head and rolled him on his back. There was only one person who could know something about this.  
“We have to contact Raven.”  
“I get the radio.”  
Monty made his way through the crowd of people as Clarke saw some people lying on top of others, dangerously entwined.  
“We have to lay them next to each other.”  
Everyone started to move them as he called her name.  
“Clarke?”  
She turned around to Bellamy, who was still kneeling beside Kane.  
“Can you take a look at him? He hit the table..”  
She saw how concerned he was. She picked up her med-kit as she walked towards them.

She took a closer look on the wound. It wasn't too big but she needed to stitch him up. It would be done in a minute. She was cleaning the wound as Raven's voice finally echoed through the room.  
“Arkadia, this is Raven. Can someone hear me?”

Raven put wires in and out of boxes, the radio was lying next to her. Abby was still sitting next to Jackson as Murphy rushed in with Emori in his arms. Luna was a few steps behind, her eyes were scanning the room with scepticism.  
“She just blacked out. I don't-”  
Murphy stopped in the middle of his sentence as he saw Jackson lying on the ground.  
“I know. Just lay her down next to Jackson.”  
“Yes, here's Monty. Everyone who took the chip is unconscious, please tell me you know why.”  
Everyone turned around as Raven grabbed the radio.  
“I do. I'm trying to fix this.”  
“What happened?”  
Abby rushed to Raven's side and grabbed the radio.  
“Is everyone alright?”  
It wasn't Monty who answered, he must have given Clarke the radio.  
“I think so but we are still checking on everybody. So what happened?”  
Abby let out a relieved sigh as she heard her daughter's voice.

Bellamy held the radio in his hands while Clarke was stitching up Kane's face.  
“The system.. it crashed. But Raven is on it.”  
Clarke couldn't hold back the question which everyone was thinking about.  
“So they are still connected to Alie?”  
Silence. After a few moments, Raven was back on the radio.  
“They are still connected to the system, yes. Alie is gone. It's something like a backup of her program. Guys, I need a few moments. I will talk to you if I find something.”  
“Yeah, alright.”

Abby grabbed the radio and walked to a desk, not that this would give her more privacy but at least she wouldn't disturb Raven. Her hands were still trembling a little, even after Clarke had said that everyone was fine. But they hadn't checked on everybody, she just needed to ask.  
“Clarke?”  
She could hear the insecurity in her voice by herself, so everyone must have heard it too.  
“He's ok, I think.”  
She smiled and breathed out, she hadn't noticed that she had hold her breath. There was something slightly wrong though, she couldn't make out what it was. Then she knew what bothered her.  
“You think?”

She didn't mean to say that. But she just couldn't stop thinking about what was going on in all those people's heads. It had something to do with Alie. Or her system, whatever. Maybe it was like in the city of light? Or they were thinking about their life? What they've been through.. were they in pain? Or maybe they didn't feel anything at all.. but she couldn't tell her mom. She had enough to worry about. So she went with the answer everyone expected her to give.  
“He hit his head as he fell but really, there is nothing to worry about. I already checked on him.”  
She was still sitting next to him while she was waiting for an answer. He didn't look like there was something bothering him so she tried to put away her concern. Raven would handle this.  
“Ok. We will give you an update as soon as possible.”

~

“Yes, yes!”  
Raven had run around the black screens for over twenty minutes. Abby turned around and what she saw were codes. Codes which ran down the screens. Raven's fingers were already flying over the keyboard.  
“Can you fix it?”  
She didn't turn around, her eyes were fixed to the screens, but she could hear her smile.  
“I think so.”

Octavia saw Kane trying to grab the floor and turning his head to the other side as everyone around her started to move slightly. One moved his hand, the other just let out a slight sigh. Her head turned back to him as he whispered something. She couldn't make out the word, a few people had started talking, so she went to him and knelt down.  
“Abby.”  
It came out fierce but quiet.

“She said my name, she just said my name!”  
Abby turned around to see John holding Emori's face in his hands.  
“Emori, can you hear me?”  
There was a spark of hope coming along with those words in Abby. They were waking up, Raven did it. It was gone as she saw Raven staring at those two on the ground, confused. She turned her face back to the monitors and started tipping in codes.  
“What is it, Raven?”  
“What is happening, she doesn't respond?”  
Abby could hear John's voice cracking at the last word. Raven's fingers stopped and she was just staring at the screen.  
“They're about to take it.”

~

“They are about to take what?”  
Abby was staring at the screen but she couldn't make any sense out of it.  
“The chip.”  
Luna joined them and found her place next to Raven.  
“How?”  
Raven turned around and took a breath.  
“They are reliving the last hours before they took the chip. But it's real for them, it's their first time-”  
“No.”  
Her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes as she stared at Raven.  
“Can you make it stop?”  
Raven turned around again.  
“I'm trying to shut it down but like I said, I need a moment.”  
Her fingers started to move again.  
“It could be worse than those moments, right? The bad stuff mostly happened under Alie's control..”  
“Mostly..”

People were laughing and talking and moving slightly. No complete movements but hints of what was going on in their heads. You could hear arguments, greetings, complaints. Something had changed. Clarke took the radio and tried to contact Raven. It was her mother who answered.  
“What is happening, mom?”  
Raven's voice replaced her mother's and she explained briefly.  
“Ok. Nothing we can do about it, right?”  
“No. We'll keep you updated.”  
Clarke was about to lay down the radio as her mother said her name. She sounded different, like she was holding back tears.  
“Yes?”  
“Not everyone just took it.”  
Of course not. She had seen how she had looked at him the day after the shutdown.  
“I keep an eye on him.”  
“Thank you.”

“I can't do that.”  
His desperation got the attention of Clarke within a second. She pushed the button on the radio for the last time.  
“Just call us when you find something.”  
She was putting the radio on the table as a scream made her jump. As she turned around, Octavia was already by his side. She picked up his upper body and sat beneath it, trying to hold him steady.

She had to put all of her strength into her arms, he was constantly moving. His screams didn't make it easier.  
“Ssh.. hey, it's ok. Kane, everything is alright.”  
He didn't react to her words, nothing changed. She couldn't stop trying. Regret settled into her bones as she remembered how she had treated him just a few minutes ago. Her calming words were drowned out by his screams. His head went from the left to the right side, the first tear made its way down his cheek.  
“It's alright..”  
Helplessly he was lying in her arms, the arms who belonged to the person who had rejected him so many times. Times in which he had just wanted to help her. Comfort her. He started to tremble so she tried to hold him closer, tried to comfort him. Nothing helped.

After he had stopped screaming for the fourth time, his breath-catching became so painful that Clarke accidentally grabbed Bellamy's hand. He looked at her for a second, first startled, then relieved. She wasn't always the great 'Wanheda', commander of death. Sometimes she was the old Clarke, the one he had learned to admire a few months ago. The one who had never let go of her position as a leader. The one who convinced others it was worth it to trust her. His head turned to the man who she had convinced the day she had killed Finn. He was fighting in O's arms as his screams were filling the room. He turned his head and could see Monty sitting next to Jasper, his hand not leaving Harper's. Her eyes were fixed to Kane, he knew she was looking up to him since she had joined the guard. Following back her stare, Kane didn't stop challenging O holding him still. It couldn't go on like this. It was horrible to watch, he couldn't even imagine how he must feel. And felt, it had happened before. They needed to stop this. His right hand reached for the radio.

“Have you found something yet?”  
Two seconds. Those two seconds had been long enough for Abby to hear everything she had feared what would happen. Raven's head snapped around. She wanted to grab the radio and tell them that nothing would change if they would disturb her every thirty seconds but Abby's look made her stop. Abby's trembling hand found the radio.  
“No.”  
“Is there something we can do?”  
He had to do it all over again. After Alie, she had told him countless times that everything was over. That they had survived the worst, that they could finally move on. And now, he was back there. Alone. Again. She had broken her word.  
“Just.. wait.”  
At her last word, she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. She laid the radio on the table and slumped to the ground. She didn't care what the others would think. He needed her. He needed her and she couldn't help him. She couldn't even be there for him. It was all her fault. If she hadn't been there, none of this would've happened. Her fault. Her-  
She jumped as someone touched her shoulder. As she looked up, John Murphy stood in front of her.  
“Raven will floor it.”

~

“I did it.” Everyone turned to look at Raven who stood in front of the screens, proudly smiling.  
CODE ACCEPTED CODE ACCEPTED CODE ACCEPTED  
Abby read those words over and over again until she heard a gasp from the other side of the room.  
“Hey, Emori..”  
John was holding her in his arms as she looked at him. Confused, but loving. Jackson. She ran over to him as his eyes were already searching for her.  
“Jackson, I'm here.”  
She knelt down beside him as he already sat up.  
“What- what happened?”

He was gasping for air as his eyes flew open. Her little jump went unnoticed because everyone was taken by surprise as Arkadia came back to life within a second.  
“Kane, it's ok. Just breathe.”  
For some reason she didn't let go. She couldn't. Her arms were still holding him as his eyes found hers. He was confused and he couldn't get his breath under control. She laid a hand on his chest and tried to talk to him as calm as possible. Comforting others had never been one of her strengths.  
“Just breathe against my hand.”  
He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, after a few seconds he succeeded.

He'd been back there. It had been so real. What had happened? How did he end up here? Was-  
“Kane, did you hear me?”  
He looked at Octavia who was leaning over him. This was the moment when he noticed he was lying in her lap. He tried to sit up as his head felt like it wanted to explode. He stopped halfway up and his hand immediately touched his forehead.  
“Don't.”  
Octavias hand grabbed his and moved it back down. It was too hard to stay in that position so he had to ease himself down again. His cheeks were wet, he could feel that. Did he cry?  
Abby. Thelonious. Cross. Nails. Pain. Screams.  
He couldn't get his brain under control, couldn't even make sense out of his situation. The next thing he noticed was that he had started crying again.

A few tears made their way down his face while he stared at the ceiling, deep in thoughts. This wasn't a situation she could handle. She looked up and searched for help, for Bell. He would know what to do. But everyone was busy with helping other people. Her brother was helping a woman, mid 30s. He calmed her down within seconds. He was born for this but she had never learned to care. Her head went back to Kane who didn't seem to come back to reality on his own. Her hand reached for his and as she touched him gently, she got his attention back. Her first instinct was to pull back her hand and run. She wasn't made for this kind of caring. But someone had taught her a different way. A way she would try to go, for him- Lincoln. And maybe even for herself. So she didn't pull back, her hand was resting on top of his.

He looked into her eyes, not knowing what to do next. It had been so real. He felt her hand squeezing his while she said the three words which broke his walls.  
“It's over.”  
It was over. He couldn't fight against his tears, he couldn't fight against anything his body wanted to do. Helpless and out of control he started to cry.

Her hands were intuitively reaching out for his shoulders. His body moved with her hands up until he sat next to her. He fell into her arms at the same time as she wanted to pull him into a hug. Nobody thought of anything, it just happened simultaneously. He was trembling against her shoulder as she kept him as close as possible. She didn't know where all of this was coming from but it was ok. He needed her and she was ready to be there for him.

Bellamy gave her a last reassuring smile as he heard a hiccoughing sob. His eyes found Octavia and Kane next to the table. They were still sitting on the ground but he was lying in her arms, crying. Like back then, as Clarke had defeated Alie. He found her standing next to Jaha, staring at them like the last time. She must have noticed his stare because she turned her head towards him and gave him a sad smile. He returned it and stood up as well. On his way to Clarke he already thought about the right words he could use to explain the situation to their people.

As he realized what he was doing he pulled back. He looked down as he tried to speak.  
“I'm sorry.”  
He could hardly hear himself, his voice hoarse from-  
“It's okay.”  
He looked up into her watery eyes, a sad smile graced her face. He brushed his tears away and a little laugh escaped his lips, he was still confused and his brain wasn't yet in control. He knew he needed a few more minutes to collect himself. She was still staring at him, unsure what to think of his reaction. He could almost see how she was thinking about what to say next. That was when he noticed that he was basically a wreck. He was sitting in the middle of his people, weak as he has never been before. As he has never shown before. He needed to get himself together. He tried to smile.  
“Thank you.”  
She smirked.  
“I just tried to be useful, you know.”  
He snorted.  
“I probably failed at that.”  
Her look changed and he could see her regret.  
“Kane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to treat you like that.”  
“Like what?”  
He looked at her, his challenging words made their serious situation more relaxed.   
“Like shit.”  
Both laughed at her words, going back to normal was what everyone needed now.  
“I didn't want you to feel watched. I just wanted to look after you, if you don't want me to then I won't do it again.”  
“I just wanted to say, even if it doesn't always seem like I would, I really appreciate your company.”  
He smiled slightly.  
“Alright.”

“You should radio Abby. I think she-”  
He stood up so fast that she couldn't even finish her sentence. She watched him walking towards Clarke and Bell who had the radio in their hands. Without asking they handed it over to him. She smiled.  
”Alright, no more words needed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> As always, it would mean a lot to me to get some feedback (positive&negative), otherwise I'll never get better at writing!  
> If you liked it, kudos are of course very much appreciated ♥


End file.
